I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
