she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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