I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
