brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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