I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
