it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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