Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
