the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
