so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
