Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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