I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize