The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize