Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
