I'm going to jail i love you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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