Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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