If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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