if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
