Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
