I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
