If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
