New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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