So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
