just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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