Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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