I didn't shave. On purpose
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
