I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
