You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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