she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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