At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
