What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
