I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
