you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
