Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
