just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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