to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
