The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
