woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
