I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
