we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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