final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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