I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
