I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
