how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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