Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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