She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
