I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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