he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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