apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
