i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
