look no pants
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
