I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
