I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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