We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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