reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
