Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
