I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
