A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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