69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
