Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
