I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
