You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
vagina is talking i cant
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
