Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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