I'm really into asian looking animals
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
