Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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