im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
