well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
