I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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