we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
