There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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