That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
