he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
