If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
