You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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