my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
