Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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