The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
