ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
