if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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