Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
