he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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