I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
