did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
