You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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