she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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