We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
